Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I'm losing it all.
I can't seem to focus anymore. There, I've said it. I can't focus, I can't settle down and get a grip on myself 'cos my attention's going everywhere and anywhere else except on the exams. I just can’t seem to handle this anymore.
I wonder where the self-control I had during the ‘O’s and the ‘A’s went, though admittedly my determination during the ‘A’s faltered at times. A mistake I’m determined never to make again. I want it all back, want the control and the momentum. I want to breeze through it all and feel good about it.
I know university is different, I know the university term is short. I know we learn more and we learn fast. Despite all the complaints and apparent grievances, I find that I actually somewhat like it, like the challenge and the absorbing of more knowledge. We no longer take a year or two to study Economics, half a year to learn stats. It’s all Wham, Bam, thank you Ma’am, next please and in fact, I can see myself embracing such a system.
But first, I need to pull my act together. I was resolute in never letting my determination and concentration weaken again, but look where I am now. I have none, not even a single iota of self-control to speak of. Maybe I ain’t trying hard enough. So I shall start putting in effort and try to settle myself down. I will not surf the net for personal interest because it’s time consuming and in a way, energy-draining. I shall maximize time, sleep and wake early. I know I’ve been failing to do it but oh, I will. No more late nights for me. It’s time I stop all these self-destruction and so if I post any entry before the 17th of November, come give me a kick in the ass.
You know, a Business senior once told me, “Engineering students talk about passing. We business students talk about getting As.” I do want my As, and so I will pull myself back together. Watch me.
stuck in reverse
♥12:01 AM
