Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I'm losing it all.
I can't seem to focus anymore. There, I've said it. I can't focus, I can't settle down and get a grip on myself 'cos my attention's going everywhere and anywhere else except on the exams. I just can’t seem to handle this anymore.
I wonder where the self-control I had during the ‘O’s and the ‘A’s went, though admittedly my determination during the ‘A’s faltered at times. A mistake I’m determined never to make again. I want it all back, want the control and the momentum. I want to breeze through it all and feel good about it.
I know university is different, I know the university term is short. I know we learn more and we learn fast. Despite all the complaints and apparent grievances, I find that I actually somewhat like it, like the challenge and the absorbing of more knowledge. We no longer take a year or two to study Economics, half a year to learn stats. It’s all Wham, Bam, thank you Ma’am, next please and in fact, I can see myself embracing such a system.
But first, I need to pull my act together. I was resolute in never letting my determination and concentration weaken again, but look where I am now. I have none, not even a single iota of self-control to speak of. Maybe I ain’t trying hard enough. So I shall start putting in effort and try to settle myself down. I will not surf the net for personal interest because it’s time consuming and in a way, energy-draining. I shall maximize time, sleep and wake early. I know I’ve been failing to do it but oh, I will. No more late nights for me. It’s time I stop all these self-destruction and so if I post any entry before the 17th of November, come give me a kick in the ass.
You know, a Business senior once told me, “Engineering students talk about passing. We business students talk about getting As.” I do want my As, and so I will pull myself back together. Watch me.
stuck in reverse
♥12:01 AM
Sunday, October 28, 2007
I met the most adorable cab driver last night, and he was such a sweetie. He made sure I was waving to him from the inside of the gate before he drove off. Never mind that he stopped at FairPrice Xpress at one of the petrol stations to look for rock sugar ('cos he was boiling bird nest for his daughters), told me his life story - his father owned a hardware store but he never took a single cent from him. He showed me his family's picture and how handsome he was last time. His eldest daughter graduated from NUS law and his youngest graduated from ACJC and is a year 1 uni student now. (I think I might have encouraged him at the last bit though. I told him I couldn't get into NUS law and I was from VJ and I'm a year 1 too.) and gave me a 15 minute mini lecture on why we should hold faith and goodness in our hearts before seeking religion outside my home. He charged me 4 bucks for the ride 'cos he forgot to stop the meter when he went searching for rock sugar and he's a man of integrity and he lived near Kembangan and knew that the ride from Arthur Road to Telok Kurau Lorong H would cost no more than 4 bucks plus midnight surcharge, and that's all that matters. No cab-driver has ever charged me 4 bucks for a ride before, except during those secondary school times when the tk flautists went parkway for lunch and had 15 minutes to rush back to school by 1pm to fall in (it cost us $2.80 in total) and the ride I once took from the St Pat's bus stop which set me back by $3.50 (so stupid I know, but the 155 wouldn't come and it was too late to walk home via park connector). He really is the sweetest cab-driver around. Like an aged cherub.(:
Alright enough about the cab-driver. (Oh he's a karate black-belt too!) Anyways most of my Saturday was spent studying in Coffee Master's. It such a warm, comfy place and there's this little corner where you can sit and people-watch. Its a good place for studying alone. Hm.
Oh and I stayed up and finished reading the book WeiBaby lent me last night. Okay technically he didn't lend me, I took it out of his bag. Dammit I know I should be concentrating and revising for the test on Monday but damn, I do love my fiction so, and David Gemmell writes a mean fantasy book. On a random note, the astonished look on a guy's face when they find a girl sharing their love for fantasy is quite amusing.
On yet another random note, my tag board still says 403 Forbidden whatever whatever blah blah whatever whenever I'm at home. Its getting kind of irritating, argh.
-
Yay its raining. I love rainy weather, as long as I'm at home, with my windows wide open to enjoy it.
Okay work. I'm seriously considering going school only tomorrow and staying home for the rest of the week. It sounds good, plus I get to see Wei on Tuesday! Haha.(: Alrights, I really need to focus. Bye all.
stuck in reverse
♥4:25 PM
Saturday, October 27, 2007
RANT.
I've figured. A day of isolation, being cooped in a small hall room, countless bloody itchy mosquito bites, persistent hunger pangs, an Econs and Stats test on Monday (which I'm not prepared for at all) and bloody PMS gives a very nasty, ill-tempered and temperamental female.
In fact, I shouldn't be doing this at all. I should be burying myself in stats and drowing in panic. Okay I'm outta here.
Needta shit.Labels: Life's little quirks
stuck in reverse
♥12:35 AM
Monday, October 22, 2007
Oh dear I'm missing Wei so much so much so much now.): I don't like deployments. I miss you miss you miss you babyy!!)))))))))))))))))):
Okay. Must. concentrate. on. stats. But I don't like stats.
Bah.
Labels: Love
stuck in reverse
♥11:30 AM
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Love is one song sung by two
Its the 17th once again.(:
For always being there for me, for always standing by me, for always loving me, for always understanding me, thank you. Thank you so much. 11 months, sweetheart, and everyday was made all the more beautiful because you were by my side. No one knows me better than you do. I know together we're strong, and we'll brave through this trying period. Once again, thank you for being so understanding. I don't know where I'll be without you. I love you so, boyfriend. I love you so, best friend.
*hugg* (:(:
♥ Cos' whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through, and you know that's what our love can do.(:Labels: Love
stuck in reverse
♥1:03 AM
Saturday, October 13, 2007
So many things, and yet so little time.
Sometimes you find that without you noticing, your world has somehow shrunk to encompass only you and you alone. Reasons all valid, of course. But still I think this is one of the greatest tragedies of Life.
-
I love Borders.Labels: Life's little quirks
stuck in reverse
♥12:43 AM
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Change, change, change. Changing tutors, short school terms, different friends and so many faces everyday. There are just so many people, and I wonder if it is really possible for someone, anyone, to know me for who I really am. Really, the thought is quite disheartening, and when I remember that my best friend, the person who most proly knows me best is at the other end of Singapore, (a stop before the airport to be exact) it just gets downright depressing.
But then (maybe) this is varsity life.
--
I can't believe I dreamt of you again. But the funny thing was that Rachel was in it too! Ha. What weird dreams I have.
--
Okay I really must start drumming into my head that exams are coming, and very soon. Argh but I just can't get used to the fact that I'm going to have exams in a month's time. I should start studying and stop surfing the net. I must.
Bah.):
It doesn't help that I'm missing growly so much it aches.):): Aish, 2 more days, 2 more days!
stuck in reverse
♥5:22 PM
Sunday, October 07, 2007
I had another weird dream last night. My second, I think, of you. I can't be too sure, really; I forget most of my dreams. But I'm pretty sure that it definitely ain't the first - I think of you entirely too much.
You would be gratified (and honored, maybe) to know that I think of you just a much as you think/thought of me.
And to think, I have never even met you in person before. Heh.Labels: Life's little quirks
stuck in reverse
♥9:14 PM
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Nothing matters but you my love
And only God above
Could be the one to know exactly how I feel
I could die in your arms right now
Knowing that you somehow
Would take my soul and keep it deep inside your heart
It has been so long, but whenever I listen to this song, I'll always get shivers travelling up and down my spine. Delicious ones, of course.
Oh my love, I need nobody but you too.(:Labels: Love, Nostalgia
stuck in reverse
♥1:07 AM
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Come on Cyn come on come on come on. No more slacking now! Get your ass movin' and get that stupid OB report done. Jim needs to compile it all by tonight!
Argh damn the expectancy theory of motivation. Andd. One more month or so to exams! Given the rate I'm going, I'm bound to fail my first exams in uni. OH BUT WAIT. I would have failed my stats test already. I actually forgot it was an open book test, can you believe it. I had no thick stats book, no tables, no formulas, no what-have-yous. Me, I'm the biggest dumbdumb around. Yay!(:
Ha I'm hear Yingli's voice in my head now, saying "La chu qü zhan!"
Indeed.
stuck in reverse
♥10:03 PM
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Guess what.
MY LAPTOP IS INFESTED WITH ANTS AH AHHHRGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay was. It was infested with ants, until I stood over my laptop for nearly an hour with a purple feather duster-like thing my roommate has so kindly lent me, just to sweep ants out. It felt like I was playing some stupid arcade game, except the game I remembered playing involved plastic crocodiles that went "ow ow ow" everytime you slam their mouths shut.
So the more I watched the ants climb out of the keyboard to their deaths the more exasperated I got, until something came over me at 11pm and I felt that I must do something and so I swept, magi-cleaned and mopped my whole room. Me, who was never picky about my room's cleanliness, (all problems were solved when my mom gave me her once-used bedroom slippers) cleaning and mopping the floor until 12.30am. Truly, I'm amazed at myself. Ha.
OMGOSH THERE GOES AN ANT!! Okay that's it. This is crazy. Who's laptop gets infested by ants anyway?! Man these ants must really hate me. Maybe I destroyed their nest or sth.
Alrights I'm so sorry this is such a incoherent post. I just feel that I must note this down. Ants. In my laptop. Ha. K cleaning time. Bye.
OH hehh since I'm blogging I might as well add in more exciting stuff. Wei's playing in NTU tmr! Yay so exciting!!(:(: I know you'll proly find it really un-exciting but I don't know why I still find it oh so exciting!!(:(:
Oh and he came over today. Lovelovelove.(:(: *beams*
Right-O. Really cleaning time. Bye.Labels: Hall life, Life's little quirks
stuck in reverse
♥1:10 AM
