stuck in reverse
♥8:37 PM
Sunday, February 24, 2008
So you've used my broken bones
and picked them clean.
I don't know when you became this bitter and this ugly. This isn't like you. This isn't like you, so please come back. You don't have to keep it all up and stick through it, you know. Sometimes people know and understand and they forgive you for not being the superwoman you so want to be.
**
On a lighter note, the Thailand pictures are up.(:
Us, at the airport.
Did I ever mention how fun the boat rides were?
Vincent and I.
Getting retarded on the boat.
Haha! And this is part of the reason why the trips were so fun.(:
Oh I must talk about this hat. Its really quite a cool hat. It foldable, and when it opens halfway it becomes a fan! Absolutely ingenious! Well, other than the fact that it was wayy to big, that is.
This was another day, when they left me at the hotel to nurse a migrain.): They went to visit the floating market happy and smiling, with the exception of my retarded brother.
Haha this is a priceless. By the way, he looks like this when he is confused most of the time. He just doesn't know it. Lol.
And this Wilson, looking all cute and happy.(:
We found these at the hotel, and it was so adorable we just had to take photos with it.
Mummy's little shop.
Hey no peeping! I'm having a private moment! Haha.
It has always been my brother's dream to take a ride in the DHL balloon, but my mom's afriad of heights, so this is compromise, I think..
Ohhh ya my ambition's to become a Tuk Tuk driver, driving at a safe 30km/hr.
Really, I'm a bimbo at heart,
And a pretty strong one too! Haha.
And so now you know that I didn't eat the monster and the tuktuk is really already halfway up and stuck to the building.
Alrighty now that I've spent almost half my day sitting around and doing little useless things, I should really start work and do something that is actually productive. Outta here. BYE!(:
Labels: Family, Life's little quirks
stuck in reverse
♥3:34 PM
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Just so you know
I am still wondering if what was meant as a means to survive is fundamentally flawed. What on earth happened to "equilibruim" and "stability"? And you know what they say, "everything in moderation".
Ah well, at least it keeps me whole and going. Andd, I'm am still overwhelmed by tests and projects. O Saturday, pleeeeease come quick! I think I need to be saved.Labels: Life's little quirks, Random thought
stuck in reverse
♥4:07 PM
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Again and again
And again and again and again.
Boy do you appear in all the unexpected places. Perhaps it was the company I was with, perhaps its was all just too fleeting, but at least this time it didn't feel like you jumped out at me and pushed me off a cliff. Maybe next time I would be able to look into your eyes and we could have a proper conversation, haha. You looked well, though, and truly I am glad.
And you too, my sweet. Its amazing, because we both know where we would see each other, but everytime I meet you, I am always surprised. This time it was so vivid, though. Maybe we too, could hold a proper conversation the next time we meet.
Haha yes I know, I know. In my dreams, then, perhaps. In my dreams.
**
I want to contact you, ma chère étranger, and ask if you're doing okay but I shall not because I dare not, for fear that it will drive you off the deep end again. So I will bite my tongue so that I do not hurt you and just let you be. Know that I only wish the best for you.
Love, me.
p.s. btw, if you ever feel that you're up to it, you can always drop me a mail. Merci beaucoup.(:Labels: Life's little quirks, Mr BG, Random thought
stuck in reverse
♥6:46 PM
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Exhausted
The Bangkok trip was utterly exhausting. Bangkok is as always - polluted, loud and impatient with its terrible, terrible traffic. How these people manage to avoid accidents amaze me.
Anyhows I'm back now, and the fact that I didn't manage to squeeze in any bit of studying time into my holidays doesn't seem to bode well. Tests are coming up, and everything is happening all at once and all at one go. Everything seems to be important and demanding attention, and I find myself caught up in some intricate maze with seemingly infinite forks and paths and openings, and there is everywhere and nowhere to go.
This is one of those times when you feel that the world is moving too fast, too fast for you to catch up. This is one of those times when you were just rambling along and minding your own business, when suddenly, accidentally, you find yourself left behind. This is one of those times when you really really want to just let it all go and shout STOP!
And everything stops and time freezes and then now, and then finally you are all alone, a ghost of what you have been and just only a sliver of the moon.Labels: Life's little quirks
stuck in reverse
♥11:19 PM
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Isn't it weird how little cuts hurt so much?
Isn't it funny how I've managed to keep it all in for the past few days, only to lose it all upon a stumble?
Ha, self-pity is powerful indeed.
But damn, my knee hurts. My elbow too. Alot alot.)):Labels: Hall life, Life's little quirks
stuck in reverse
♥1:21 PM
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
And they all lived happily ever after.
Cinderella
You always read about it:
the plumber with twelve children
who wins the Irish Sweepstakes.
From toilets to riches.
That story.
Or the nursemaid,
some luscious sweet from Denmark
who captures the oldest son's heart.
From diapers to Dior.
That story.
Or a milkman who serves the wealthy,
eggs, cream, butter, yogurt, milk,
the white truck like an ambulance
who goes into real estate
and makes a pile.
From homogenized to martinis at lunch.
Or the charwoman
who is on the bus when it cracks up
and collects enough from the insurance.
From mops to Bonwit Teller.
That story.
Once
the wife of a rich man was on her deathbed
and she said to her daughter Cinderella:
Be devout. Be good. Then I will smile
down from heaven in the seam of a cloud.
The man took another wife who had
two daughters, pretty enough
but with hearts like blackjacks.
Cinderella was their maid.
She slept on the sooty hearth each night
and walked around looking like Al Jolson.
Her father brought presents home from town,
jewels and gowns for the other women
but the twig of a tree for Cinderella.
She planted that twig on her mother's grave
and it grew to a tree where a white dove sat.
Whenever she wished for anything the dove
would drop it like an egg upon the ground.
The bird is important, my dears, so heed him.
Next came the ball, as you all know.
It was a marriage market.
The prince was looking for a wife.
All but Cinderella were preparing
and gussying up for the big event.
Cinderella begged to go too.
Her stepmother threw a dish of lentils
into the cinders and said: Pick them
up in an hour and you shall go.
The white dove brought all his friends;
all the warm wings of the fatherland came,
and picked up the lentils in a jiffy.
No, Cinderella, said the stepmother,
you have no clothes and cannot dance.
That's the way with stepmothers.
Cinderella went to the tree at the grave
and cried forth like a gospel singer:
Mama! Mama! My turtledove,
send me to the prince's ball!
The bird dropped down a golden dress
and delicate little gold slippers.
Rather a large package for a simple bird.
So she went. Which is no surprise.
Her stepmother and sisters didn't
recognize her without her cinder face
and the prince took her hand on the spot
and danced with no other the whole day.
As nightfall came she thought she'd better
get home. The prince walked her home
and she disappeared into the pigeon house
and although the prince took an axe and broke
it open she was gone. Back to her cinders.
These events repeated themselves for three days.
However on the third day the prince
covered the palace steps with cobbler's wax
and Cinderella's gold shoe stuck upon it.
Now he would find whom the shoe fit
and find his strange dancing girl for keeps.
He went to their house and the two sisters
were delighted because they had lovely feet.
The eldest went into a room to try the slipper on
but her big toe got in the way so she simply
sliced it off and put on the slipper.
The prince rode away with her until the white dove
told him to look at the blood pouring forth.
That is the way with amputations.
The don't just heal up like a wish.
The other sister cut off her heel
but the blood told as blood will.
The prince was getting tired.
He began to feel like a shoe salesman.
But he gave it one last try.
This time Cinderella fit into the shoe
like a love letter into its envelope.
At the wedding ceremony
the two sisters came to curry favor
and the white dove pecked their eyes out.
Two hollow spots were left
like soup spoons.
Cinderella and the prince
lived, they say, happily ever after,
like two dolls in a museum case
never bothered by diapers or dust,
never arguing over the timing of an egg,
never telling the same story twice,
never getting a middle-aged spread,
their darling smiles pasted on for eternity.
Regular Bobbsey Twins.
That story.
-Anne Sexton
**
The Wolf's Postcript to 'Little Red Riding Hood
First, grant me my sense of history:
I did it for posterity,
for kindergarten teachers
and a clear moral:
Little girls shouldn't wander off
in search of strange flowers,
and they mustn't speak to strangers.
And then grant me my generous sense of plot:
Couldn't I have gobbled her up
right there in the jungle?
Why did I ask her where her grandma lived?
As if I, a forest-dweller,
didn't know of the cottage
under the three oak trees
and the old woman lived there
all alone?
As if I couldn't have swallowed her years before?
And you may call me the Big Bad Wolf,
now my only reputation.
But I was no child-molester
though you'll agree she was pretty.
And the huntsman:
Was I sleeping while he snipped
my thick black fur
and filled me with garbage and stones?
I ran with that weight and fell down,
simply so children could laugh
at the noise of the stones
cutting through my belly,
at the garbage spilling out
with a perfect sense of timing,
just when the tale
should have come to an end.
-Agha Shahid Ali
**
Sometimes fairytales really help put things back into perspective.
**
The Dolly on the Dustcart
I'm the dolly on the dustcart,
I can see you're not impressed,
I'm fixed above the driver's cab,
With wire across me chest,
The dustman see, he noticed me,
Going in the grinder,
And he fixed me on the lorry,
I dunno if that was kinder.
This used to be a lovely dress,
In pink and pretty shades,
But it's torn now, being on the cart,
And black as the ace of spades,
There's dirt all round me face,
And all across me rosy cheeks,
Well, I've had me head thrown back,
But we ain't had no rain for weeks.
I used to be a 'Mama' doll,
Tipped forward, I'd say, 'Mum'
But the rain got in me squeaker,
And now I been struck dumb,
I had two lovely blue eyes,
But out in the wind and weather,
One's sunk back in me head like,
And one's gone altogether.
I'm not a soft, flesh coloured dolly,
Modern children like so much,
I'm one of those hard old dollies,
What are very cold to touch,
Modern dolly's underwear,
Leaves me a bit nonplussed,
I haven't got a bra,
But then I haven't got a bust!
But I was happy in that doll's house,
I was happy as a Queen,
I never knew that Tiny Tears,
Was coming on the scene,
I heard of dolls with hair that grew,
And I was quite enthralled,
Until I realised my head
Was hard and pink... and bald.
So I travel with the rubbish,
Out of fashion, out of style,
Out of me environment,
For mile after mile,
No longer prized... dustbinised!
Unfeminine, Untidy,
I'm the dolly on the dustcart,
And there's no collection Friday.
-Pam Ayres
Labels: Life's little quirks, Rose-tinted glasses
stuck in reverse
♥4:00 PM
Saturday, January 05, 2008
School's resuming on Monday. Geez.
Reminder to self: Be sincere, be sincere, be sincere.Labels: Life's little quirks
stuck in reverse
♥12:32 PM
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Hello 2008.
I think I'm far too demanding and I'm sorry.
So first up on my list of new year resolutions: Be less demanding and less dependent.
My results sucked thoroughly (exactly as I thought they would).
So next up on my list: Mug hard. (I think I need to average a 4.0 to make up for Sem 1. Hur.)
I haven't driven in a long time, and I remember how harrowing it was the last time I drove after a long time.
So coming right up: Try my very best not to crash mum's car/ get into an accident/ get a speeding ticket/ get my license revoked (or anything along those lines).
Okay that's about all the resolutions I'm putting down here. The rest I'm keeping close to my heart.
**
Just for archive's sake, I dreamt of you again last night. I see that we're getting more and more acquainted, aren't we?
**
I know I'm far too demanding and I'm sorry.Labels: Life's little quirks
stuck in reverse
♥1:51 PM
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Its what you do to me.
I love walks home. Solitary, quiet and leisurely walks along the park connector in beautiful weather, with the breeze in my hair, the sun and the shade of the trees. No traffic, no cars, no hustle and bustle of life, and no hurry to go anywhere. Pure Me-time. As always, walks alone gives me time to think.
Jodi Picoult's books, no matter how sappy they are, are always thought-provoking. Having just finished one of her books (it was The Pact this time), I was still caught up in Chris and Emily's story, and was mulling over the big L - How does it feel like to love someone like that your whole life? Is it possible to love someone that much? Can I possibly love someone that much? - when inevitably my thoughts turned to "Have I ever loved someone that much?", and BAM from there it was a one-way trip down the memory lane.
The first person I thought of was you. Unsurprising, since I was walking down the stretch of park connector I remembered walking with you. A simple act of chasing away those boys. However, it was more than that. It was a moment of truth that shone right through everything else. Perhaps it isn't - no scratch that. I know it isn't, cannot be the same now, Mr Big Guy, but it was the truth then, pure and simple. And for that I thank you.
And then my thoughts turned to growly.
You know the feeling when there are memories you want to remember? You re-enact the whole moment in your mind, wanting to live through it again, but the happiness sort of falls short of expectations and the whole thing becomes anti climatic, because at the back of your mind you know that somewhere along the lines you had a hand in making the moment come through; you hinted and gave clues, you made things easy. You had expectations.
Well I was thinking, remembering my moments with growly. Pure, untainted moments of delight and bliss. The time at the beach when you swung and twirled me round and round you, enclosing us in a circle of love, radius approximately 150cm. When we cha cha-ed and samba-ed and danced silly dances together with the waves. When I fell asleep watching the sun-rise with you. Then there was the time when you cradled me in your arms at the bus stop, tucked my head under your chin and sang Oliver James' Greatest Story Ever Told to me softly. And then there was another time when you came to hall unannounced at nearly midnight, just so that the next day I wouldn't be alone on a relatively early morning train to the airport. I was having cheerleading prac and you didn't know where the dance room was and didn't want to interrupt, so you just sat outside at the bus stop alone in the chilly night, reading a book in the feeble light to pass time, and basically nearly froze your ass off. I didn't know you were coming and I was talking to you on the phone, and I didn't recognise you until you were almost right in front of me, still talking to me on your phone.
Moments to cherish. Thank you for giving me your love, Wei. You're just simply splendid.
You know, I actually hoped that the park connector wouldn't end, so I could just keep on walking and walking, thinking and remembering. I really love solitary walks.Labels: Life's little quirks, Love, Mr BG, Nostalgia, Reads
stuck in reverse
♥3:14 PM
Sunday, December 09, 2007
It beginning to look alot like Christmas!
I had a late night chat with Wayne over supper after cheerleading a few days ago, and we were talking about his lost love - I was giving him reasons why he should stop emo-ing, and he was telling me why he can't. Despite it all, I still stand by my theory. Call me a cold-hearted pessimistic bitch, but thing is, life isn't always cream and roses. When life's a bitch, you've gotta raise up to the occasion and challenge it. Fight it, or it will drag you under. And by God, if you can't gather enough strength to break free of it then under is where you'll stay. Its quite a depressing thing, really, not being able to enjoy and to see the beauty of life.
Alrights maybe I'm going a little overboard with all this talk about enjoying life, seeing how something inside me has just disappeared recently. Gone. Extinguished. Emptied. Perhaps the stress of upcoming competitions' getting to me, but I definitely find myself laughing a lot less lately. Although I know I will eventually find myself back like how I did the last time, I must admit that the increasing frequency of such occurrences is rather worrying. Bah. Let's just hope that the events happening late this week and next week will cheer me up.(:
Anyways, I had my first tennis lesson with Wei today! Haha. It was fun and I enjoyed it, although my right arm is aching now. But hey, no pain no gain, right?
Oh and I hope Wei would bring me to the Safra gym soon! I badly need to work out, if not for my own vanity then for the sake of my poor bases. I'm beginning to see why almost all cheerleaders are so skinny and like, size zero. They're afraid of squashing the guys.
Okay this is a rather random post, really, so I shall just stop my ramblings. Till then! Good nights!
P.S. I'm feeling the Christmas Cheer!! Yay I love Christmas! *beams* (:(:Labels: Life's little quirks
stuck in reverse
♥1:00 AM
And so now you know that I didn't eat the monster and the tuktuk is really already halfway up and stuck to the building.